I often have conversations about accountability or with people who need to be held accountable. It seems like one of those concepts we all understand, yet when we try to define it clearly, the words never seem to fully capture it. Here are a couple of definitions I found:

Accountable

1. Subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable.
2. Capable of being explained; explicable; explainable.

That doesn’t quite capture what I mean. For the purposes of this discussion, I’ll define accountability as follows: You make a commitment that something will happen—a goal or condition will be met by a specific time. At the end of that period, progress is checked to determine if the goal or condition has been met. If it has, you were accountable. If it hasn’t, you weren’t.

To be clear, this isn’t about right or wrong, good or bad. It’s simply a matter of whether or not you upheld the commitment. Phew! That’s a lot, and it sounds really heavy. So let’s look at a real-world example many of us can relate to.

“I really need to lose about 20 pounds, and what would really help is someone to hold me accountable.” Most of us have heard, read, or even said some version of this: “I need someone to hold me accountable to lose 20 pounds.” But what does that really mean? At its core, it’s an admission that “I don’t fully trust myself to follow through, but if I have to answer to someone else, I’ll be more successful.” Let’s break this down further.

If you were truly 100% accountable in your life, every decision you made and every goal you set would be achieved—no external accountability needed. You would simply do what you decided to do and get it done. But we’re not always the on-target, goal-crushing machines we’d like to be, which is why involving another person can be a game-changer.

At its core, accountability is a two-person relationship: one person requests to be held accountable, and another agrees to check in on their progress. Simple in concept, but execution is where it gets tricky. Yes, you can have multiple people hold you accountable, but each relationship is distinct. Choosing the right accountability partner is crucial—you need someone who will challenge you, not just comfort you.

Our first instinct is often to ask a close friend or family member to hold us accountable. While that may seem convenient, it may not be the best choice. Friendships are often built around shared interests, behaviors, and sometimes, an unspoken agreement to overlook each other’s shortcomings. Friends tend to commiserate rather than challenge. We lean on them for support when things aren’t going well, even when we’re the source of the problem.

Family members can present similar challenges. This is why it’s important to clearly define expectations when selecting an accountability partner.

You need to be clear about the goal you want to achieve. I suggest using the SMART method—your goal should be:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Results-Focused
• Time-Bound

For example, “I want to lose some weight, and I’d like you to hold me accountable for it,” is not a SMART goal. It’s vague, lacks measurable outcomes, and isn’t time-bound. A better approach would be: “I want to lose 15 pounds in two months.”

This is clear, quantifiable, and time-specific. Once you define your goal, discuss with your accountability partner exactly how they should hold you accountable.

For example, if the goal is to lose 15 pounds in two months, that breaks down to about 1.8 pounds per week. You could round up to 2 pounds per week and check in with your accountability partner weekly. At each check-in, you’ll either meet the goal or you won’t.

Based on these check-ins, you may discover that your goal needs adjusting—maybe it’s more challenging than expected, or perhaps it’s too easy. Your accountability partner’s main role is to track progress and report whether or not you’re meeting your commitment. However, you may also want to choose someone who goes beyond tracking and provides coaching, helping you adjust your goals or actions to improve success.

If you are seeking accountability:

• Choose your accountability partner wisely.
• Clearly communicate how you want them to hold you accountable.
• Be honest with yourself when you start making excuses.
• Don’t blame your accountability partner for your failure to follow through.

If you are holding someone accountable:

• Get clear on how the person wants to be held accountable.
• Do not impose accountability for something they haven’t asked for.
• Recognize that accountability is binary—they either met the goal, or they didn’t. This isn’t about judgment.
• If coaching is involved, ensure it aligns with their goals—not what you think their goals should be.

Accountability can feel heavy. For me, that weight often comes from the little voice in my head reminding me that I need to take action: “You need to lose 10 pounds.” “You need to eat better.” “You need to exercise more.” When we resist that voice, involving an accountability partner can be the push we need to finally take action. The key is to set clear expectations, choose the right person, and most importantly, take ownership of our own progress.